I came, I clicked,
America (67 jokes)
See also:
Sorry, but the official story behind 9/11 just doesn’t make sense. Giant, HEAVY, metal tubes flew through the sky?!?!
🔗View joke
Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.
But it’s a silly comparison really, it’s like comparing apples to oranges.
The largest condom factory in the States burned down.
President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.
“Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I’ve just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of the week.”
Trump: “Oh damn! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. We’ll be ruined. We’ll have to ship condoms in from Mexico.”
Telephone voice says, “Bad idea… The Mexicans will have a field day with this one. We’ll be a laughing stock. What about Canada?”
Trump: “Okay, I’ll call Justin and tell him we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches wide. That way, they’ll continue to respect us as Americans.”
Three days later, a delighted President Trump ran out to open the first of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He found it full of condoms, 10 inches long and 3 inches wide, exactly as requested… All colored with red maple leaves and in small writing saying: Made In Canada / Size: Small.
🔗View joke
The problem with Trump jokes:
Republicans don’t think they’re funny, and Democrats don’t think they’re jokes.
Three porn stars were getting drunk, and they started bragging to each other about their exploits.
Porn star 1 said: “Girls, I’m easily the biggest whore in this bar. One time I fucked a soccer team. The whole team! Including the towel boy. And I did it by sneaking into the locker room, getting naked, and then just waiting for the game to end.”
Porn star 2 then said: “Pshhh! You’re a nerdy teenager compared to me. I fucked an entire fraternity when I was in college. Even the pledges. And I did it by just walking up, knocking on the front door, and asking who was ready for some fun.”
Porn star 1 was taken aback… but porn star 3 didn’t even blink. She just said “girls, compared to me, you two may as well be a couple of catholic nuns. Wasn’t long ago that I fucked every man, woman, and child in these here United States. And I did it by signing a non disclosure agreement during an election year.”
🔗View joke
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner.
They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don’t live in a swing state.