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Russia (14 jokes)

I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!
For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.

It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, “You may now kiss the bride”, but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn’t mind.

Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.

As we passed, they all said in unison, “You may now kiss the bride!” My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.

As we walked away I asked, “Why did they tell us to kiss and not the priest?”

My wife answered,

“In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!”

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Putin is visiting Ukraine.

“Name?”
“Vladimir Putin”
“Occupation?”
“Not this time”

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Three fellows are unceremoniously dumped into a cell at the notorious Lubyanka Prison.

As often happens, talk turns to why they were arrested.

The first prisoner says: “Comrades, I was arrested because I said that Ivan Semnykov was a traitor to the Revolution.”

The second prisoner can’t believe his ears. “But comrades,” he says, “I was arrested because I said that Ivan Semnykov was a hero of the Revolution!”

The third prisoner says nothing at first, but after repeated prodding by the first two prisoners, he says, glumly:

“I am Ivan Semnykov.”

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We should’ve known communism would fail.
There were a lot of red flags.

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