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Policeman (22 jokes)
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- How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?
- None, reports say he fell
- How many police officers does it take to change a light bulb?
- None. They’ll just beat the room for being black.
If your pitch doesn’t end with “โฆand the cops can’t do shit.” then your startup idea sucks.
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I got arrested for illegally downloading Wikipedia in its entirety. Before I got arrested I said “wait I can explain everything”
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I think, I’m going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer.
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:
Officer: “License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!”
Me: “I assure you, I did not drink anything.”
Officer: “Ok, let’s do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?”
Me: “A car.”
Officer:”Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?”
Me:”I have no idea!”
Officer:”So, you’re drunk.”
Me:”But I didn’t drink anything.”
Officer:”Okay, one more test — Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?
Me:”A motorcycle.”
Officer:”Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?”
Me:”I have no idea!”
Officer:”As I suspected, you’re drunk!”
Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.
Me:”So…, counter question — You’re driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?”
Officer:”A prostitute of course.”
Me:”Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?”
Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend…
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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After two minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
One Christmas morning, a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light and next to him is a little girl on her brand-new bike.
The cop says to the young girl, “Nice bike you got there sweetheart. Did Santa bring that to you?”
โYes, he did,โ she replied sweetly.
With a smile on his face, the cop says “Well, next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike,โ and he proceeds to hand the girl a $20 ticket.
Before the cop rides off she says “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?”
Playing along, the cop says “Yeah, he sure did.โ
โWell, next year, tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.โ
Police: Knock knock
Me: who is it?
Police: it’s the police, we just want to talk
Me: how many of you are there?
Police: Two
Me: talk to each other
The reason Batman doesn’t cover his whole face is because he needs the police to know he’s white.
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