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Geriatry (16 jokes)
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Our whole family is really worried about my grandfather’s Viagra addiction.
Grandma is taking it particularly hard.
Picking the most inappropriate background music for class project on Alzheimer’s disease: “somebody that I used to know”
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The husband leans over and asks his wife:
“Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.”
Yes, she says, “I remember it well.”
OK, he says, “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?”
“Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in…
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
“Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”
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The patient says, โGive me the bad news first!โ
Doctor replies, โYou’ve got AIDS.โ
โOh, no! What could be worse than that?โ asks the patient.
โYou’ve also got Alzheimer’s Disease.โ
Looking relieved the patient says, โOhโฆWell, that’s not so bad. At least I don’t have AIDS.โ
Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses.
He yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”
The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.”
He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, “Was I going up the stairs or coming down?”
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee
listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” He knocks on wood for good luck.
He then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”
Three men, aged 40, 60 and 80, discuss their sex lives
The 40-year old says: “When my wife and I were just married, we’d do it every single day. Any position you could imagine. But now I’m lucky if we can average once a week”.
The 60-year old man responds: “Once a week? Just wait till you get to my age. Once a month is what I consider an active sex life”.
The 80-year old man laughs and shakes his head. “What a sad pair you two make. I’m an old fart and I bang my wife almost every day of the week”. The other two look at him in disbelief. “It’s true”, he says, “almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday,…”
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